There is an old saying that there are only two emotions in the universe: Love and Fear. All the other emotions are really a form of one of these two. If this is the case, then whatever we do, we are either Loving or Fearing. Which is more familiar to you?
We have ample enough reasons to be caught up in fear:
Crises on Wall, with many banks threatened.
Housing values way, way down. No home equity to use as a fallback plan.
Unemployment is rising and the stories from people we know tell that jobs are tough to find.
Children growing up now will be the first American generation to not do better than their parents.
Retirement seems a long way off and not at all certain.
Gas prices are much better, but we know they'll go up again.
Next to these economic woes we can list a myriad of others: global warming, war in the Middle East, and a resurgent Russian threat of Cold War aggressiveness. Of course, let's not forget how many are without health insurance, living below the poverty line, or the deterioration of education for our children. And, my personal favorite complaint, that tells the story of this lousy old world, "I'm just so tired with all the keepin' on keepin' on."
As one who has prepared many sermons in the past, I am well aware of first establishing the existence of the Bad News, so that people are suitably impressed by the Good News. However, I am struck at just how easy it is to name such bad news in these trying times.
As we watch the news and consider inflation creeping up on us, are we Fearing or Loving? As we send young men and women overseas with weapons, do we Love or Fear? And, are we Fearing or Loving when we come home emotionally drained, seeking avoidance through food, drink, TV, or the computer? Am I fearing or loving as that driver up ahead (the Jerk!) swerves into my lane?
People have always had their worries and problems, but modern life has certainly brought an accelerated version of them. Wouldn't it be nice if I had a wonderful, upbeat answer for us?
Uh-oh, maybe I shouldn't have begun this article. All the good answers have already been taken. We had the greatest bull market in the history of the world from 1982 to 2000. The Iron curtain crumbled, and we bought lots and lots of stuff. Then real estate took off for the moon and we bought more stuff.
There have been so many advances, so many incredible changes in the world around us. They have brought excitement, often joy with all their wonder, and hope for a better world. But have they made us better, more Loving people?
Truth is, there is only one tried and true thing I've seen that creates more Love than Fear. And, it doesn't always work. In my counseling office we try to speed up the process, but the inevitable cure for Fear is often the passing of the years.
It's certainly no guarantee, but the years piling up do have a way of giving us perspective. Sure, we worry about how to pay for our elder years, but often we come to realize how little our worries our worth.
Does it really matter in the end how much the groceries cost? Does it really matter which army pushes the other around? Well, yes, it does matter to some extent. We care who gets hurt, and what is happening to our world. But when we finally look back we may not care nearly so much. We'll see such things as having been endured or dealt with, and notice that they helped to mature us, or they didn't. We're likely to regret that we worried so much about such things. We'll probably wish we had worried less, and used the extra energy for loving family, friends, and the life all around us.
Loving. What a nice notion. Let's get started on this road right away.
Perhaps I could love that jerk that cut me off in traffic! I could remember that he is on his own path of growth and discovery, just as I am, and occasionally such paths intersect in uncomfortable ways. I might note that such stressful living will help him learn something, even though it may come by way of a traffic ticket or a painful accident. And certainly I can remind myself that I love myself too much to give up my peacefulness due to some bozo, err, errant driver.
I'm not getting "holier than thou" on you here. Such loving would be a stretch for me. Still, I can let myself be aware of the possibility. Perhaps in my better moments I can try it out. Perhaps you can, too.
I certainly can try it out with some hope, because our spiritual selves are endowed with the capacity to love. Love is not something we must conjure up. It is just waiting there to be called forth and expressed. We are natural lovers. It is only our ego's fear of hurt and loss that creates blocks to this Love within us. Some traditions call this ego the "small self," where as the "big self" refers to the soul.
To expose the narrow perception of fear that the small self creates, we can ask ourselves now and then, whether we are Fearing or Loving. It's that simple. Are we Fearing or Loving?
It's not easy to change once we see it, but it is rather simple to observe. Are we Loving or Fearing? Once we recognize the fear, we have the opportunity to choose love. If we never clearly recognize the fear, we probably won't see the chance for love either. So, recognition is the first step. Then making the choice to actually love, comes next.
Actually, I'm not such a bad lover of those I already respect. They can make a mis-step and it doesn't throw me. I bet the same is true for you. It is those Others I have the trouble with: the stranger, the hot-head, the alien, and perhaps the other political party.
Perhaps I can extend myself to love even these folks. Not at first, of course, but after I've caught myself in my fear, maybe I'll be humble enough. Perhaps you will, too?
Steve Roberts is an experienced Marriage and Family Therapist who shares tips and real life relationship secrets from over 20 years of practice.
Married 30 years to Pam, his partner in Life and profession, he has personally known the peaks and valleys of the couple experience.
Get Insight and Wisdom for your Relationships at: http://www.WhatWorksForCouples.com
No comments:
Post a Comment